


Odds and Ends

by crowind



Category: Naruto
Genre: AU of AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Crack, F/M, Franz Kafka References, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-10-18 18:23:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10622535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crowind/pseuds/crowind
Summary: A collection of short stories, usually responses to prompts from tumblr.





	1. A Pink Ant Story (Ant-Man!Sakura)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for a ficfest at Spacebattles. The prompt was "Sakura gets shrunk down to about 5 inches high when an experiment with Tsunade goes terribly wrong, just before the Rescue Gaara arc. However, she keeps all of her physical strength. AntMan!Sakura."

One morning, when Haruno Sakura woke from troubled dreams, she found herself transformed into a pink ant. Oh, she wasn't truly an ant, she realised after a moment of frantic checking. Ants, she reasoned, could not see in colours. Sakura (currently) only had four limbs, no extra segments, and she was perfectly capable of standing upright. She could reasonably conclude she was not an ant; still pink, but human. 

Ontological angst allayed, Sakura now set to assessing her situation. There was a dead worm staring at her in the face, itself squished on a ridged plane. Mountains of papers surrounded her, and nearby was a glass of nauseating clear stuff that she could swim in. Over the window the sun was rising over the great facades of the Hokage past – and truly Sakura had never appreciated their greatness so much as when she was not even fit to be a speck in their eyes. 

Most reassuring was the loud, periodic buzz that seemed to fill the room. Sakura found some solace in knowing she was at the same place she had been when she had fallen asleep. An envoy from Cloud had been scheduled for the next day – this day, in fact. Alas, Tsunade had created a massive backlog of her work, so much that only by burning the midnight oil could she be reasonably prepared to entertain the envoy. Enter Sakura, the Hokage's apprentice and sometimes gopher and wrangler in one. While Tsunade had been working Sakura had been tasked with deciphering a technique Tsunade had created while drunk and bored and confined to her desk. Most of Tsunade's drunk creation fizzled into nothing, especially when Sakura had been plied with alcohol as well. It was just a matter of probability that one of them worked on the day Tsunade would be too busy to reverse it. 

Right on cue the guard chuunin outside knocked the door, starting Tsunade awake. Startling Tsunade was never a great idea in any case, but Sakura was now facing the prospect of death hitherto unthought of. Being that she was, even she would admit to herself, a decent shinobi, Sakura's reflex acted to save her. While Tsunade mandated evasion tactics for her medic-nin, this one thing stayed with Sakura the most: strike back with greater force. 

Her chakra-enhanced fist met with the dead worm with the satisfying sound of bones breaking. The threat was neutralised, yet Sakura could feel only dread. She took a wild leap of faith, with chakra propelling her feet for good measure. Barely a moment passed before Tsunade emitted a paralysing roar. The fist of an angry drunkard descended and broke the earth – or just the Hokage's desk in less dramatic moments – now in splinters gleefully coming for her head, even as the 'earth' was coming to her with open arms. 

Well then, Sakura thought, I have always wanted to know if an insect ever fell to its doom. But Sakura was a ninja, and her teachers had trained her too well, and with a little chakra here and there she landed without so much as a ripple, and she still had chakra to spare for the splinters. 

But she had no time to breathe. Even as Tsunade grumbles swallowed the other sounds, the sky fell on Sakura one abused boot after another. Twice she nearly met the end of ants, but with judicious use of chakra she evaded them all. And then it was suddenly so quiet she was certain they could hear her tiny heart beating. She heard the thunder rolled, 'damned ninja bugs,' and scurried into the first dark crevice she tripped into. 

The space between stone and wood was dark and musty, full of cobwebs and dust, and not a single living being. The commotion faded as, she assumed, the Hokage went to welcome the Cloud diplomat. Here Sakura stopped and pondered her situation. She was not, despite walking and looking like an ant, an ant; she was a ninja of Konoha, and the Hokage's disciple besides. A little size problem should not have invalidated all that. Although sounding like an ant might have been a problem. 

Then as suddenly as the clouds sneaking on the sun, the dark corridor no longer felt welcoming. There was neither sound nor movement, yet all her nerves were screaming of danger. The night vision technique activated and intensified, Sakura turned slowly. 

The thing was neither dead nor alive. It was bound in the tattered remains of its freedom. Six once nimble legs now barely hung to its body, itself a hollow shell barely holding itself together against the forces of gravity. Sakura was glad for that; the head alone could fit the entire length of her, and she never wanted to see its mandibles in action, each as big and deadly as a horse cleaver. The eyes seemed as though they had been blown off, or chewed out, or both at once. 

It was mostly dead, but for the moment it pounced on her with the speed of an angry bee. Here again Sakura's instinct served her and she delivered a solid chakra payload on her right hook, if perhaps excessive for the target. That was a mistake. 

Her fist struck, and was stuck. The strange insect did not crumble under the force. On the contrary, it was gaining its footing as more of Sakura's chakra went to it. Sakura drew a kunai with her other hand. It was like trying to fight a tiger with a toothpick, but the kikaichu was still too weak and wary. 

She took the chance to disengage, leaping to the wall and running up. She didn't stop until the angry chittering was inaudible, and sure enough, it wasn't strong enough to chase her. She counted it as good fortune. High up there were even more cobwebs, and Sakura was uncomfortably reminded of the ditty about spiders and flies. She thought it was strange she had never heard something similar for Konoha's own signature insect, but she supposed they were too busy hiding behind the Hokage's bookshelf. Sakura saved it for her report to Tsunade later, if her mentor wouldn't have squashed her first for breaking her foot, regardless of whether being ant-sized was enough justification. 

Out of curiosity, thoroughly encouraged by her current size, Sakura followed the webbings. She hadn't noticed at first, but they did not look like any of the cobwebs she had battled against in her time serving as the village's contracted janitor, more politely known as genin on D-rank missions. The web mostly went in one direction. Occasionally there were branches to create scaffolding. Even more curious, the other end went to the genjutsu-veiled hole on the wall. 

And once she noticed the genjutsu the chakra coating the webbings was all but blaring, enough that she didn't notice the ninja spider and its shot. The sticky web plastered Sakura to the wall. Either chakra or poison paralysed her, if the tightness had not discouraged movements. Sakura caught a glimpse of her attacker, and was slightly disappointed it appeared mostly like a normal spider. A normal spider with too-bright and intelligent eyes and a most ominous stillness. Sakura decided she did not want to know just how clever a ninja spider could be. 

Chakra scalpel from her fingers made short work of the web in a wiggle, and the rest was brute force ripping. The spider had disappeared in the mean time – genjutsu again. Unbidden, Sakura found herself thinking of Sasuke and wishing he had been there. The spider's entire schtick would have been a very unsatisfying snack for his fire techniques. But Sasuke was not here. Sakura knew no easy ninjutsu, but she thought even Sasuke would have approved her plan. 

She let loose concussive chakra fit to demolish a house on the web. The force reverberated along the network, and there was a moment when it seemed it would snap. Fortunately Sakura was not waiting on that. While the spider was hopefully distracted with not falling to its doom, she threw all the exploding tags in her pouch. Two and microscopic they might be, but each packed the full capacity of human-sized tags. 

The explosion was deafening, but the flower that bloomed was pretty to look at. Sakura didn't have time to admire it as a flaming spider came straight for her. She dodged, giving it an extra help to go through the wall. It made a strange sound like iron cutting into iron as it plummeted. And spider silk shot and stuck to Sakura's leg, and she fell with it. 

The Hokage's office was the tallest building in the village. The fall wouldn't scratch any genin worth their headband. Sakura wondered what a ninja ant would do. It looked as though she was about to find out if ants would leave a splat on the ground, after all. She had cut the web with chakra scalpel and threw kunai at the spider for good measure. So that left her falling, with all the dizziness and none of the beautiful aerial view of Konoha. 

Sakura thought she should be forgiven for not watching her back. Most sane beings would rather not free fall to their doom. The kikaichu jumping after her for a hug squeezed all the air out of Sakura. As a girl Sakura had sometimes dreamed of dying in someone's arms, preferrably Sasuke's, but three times as many pairs seemed overkill. On top of that, her partner in death by gravity was enjoying itself on Sakura's chakra. 

Her ears buzzed and visions of black clouded her eyes. She was seeing multiples, dozens of tinier versions of the kikaichu on her back dancing before her. A cloud of kikaichu descended on her and surged from below. Poor buggers, they had a greedy queen, Sakura thought before the last of her strength left her. 

When Sakura woke up from a troubled dream of being eaten by insects alive, she woke up in a hospital bed. The Hokage's benevolent face was glowering at her. Sakura had been discovered in front of the Hokage's building, chakra depleted and wholly human. No one noticed how she arrived there. The ANBU had not found neither dead spiders nor the ashes and damages on the wall and bookcase thereof. There was no scroll of shrinking technique. Sakura was tempted to ask about the Hokage's metatarsal bones, but Tsunade was a caged thunderstorm during her short visit, and so she did not. 

After, she found that the Cloud envoy had come and gone just as soon. This the Hokage had deemed an insult and a portent, though to date nothing had come out of it. Sakura also ran into Shino, and for the first time in their acquaintance braved herself to ask about his clan's signature bugs. What little of Shino she could see seemed surprised, and he answered laconically, which she took to mean he was not offended. A kikaichu queen was five times the size of the workers and soldiers without any of the bite. Queens were never supposed to leave the Aburame's holdings, and it would be a dead Aburame who lost his queen. 

Sakura did not have time or thought to spare for dreams after that. Naruto returned the next day, and with him she was thrown back into reality, that of a world of monsters and anarchists and gods.


	2. a stolen kiss (Tobirama/Mito)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's something about the envoy from Uzushio...

The chamber's seals were drawn, complete but not yet activated. Tobirama hesitated, and entered. He was not fried, therefore he continued to the would-be epicentre. Uzumaki Mito hadn't caused any earthquakes, literal or metaphorical, so far but watching, _knowing_ she was experimenting with fuuinjutsu always set his heart palpitating so. 

Currently she was bent over an indecipherable design. All Uzumaki fuuinjutsu was like that: at its best, most charitable outlook it was akin to poetry, and at its worst a collection of the most tenuously associated words, written in the oldest writing known to man. But he recognised the items she had set on today's theatre. A bucket full of waste water and an empty bucket. 

Mito looked up as he entered, and smiled. "Ah, Tobirama-san. You have impeccable timing as always." 

"I can leave if I'm disturbing you." 

"Not at all. Although I'm afraid it's not terribly exciting to behold." 

"False humility doesn't become you, Mito-san," Tobirama said through the faintest quirk of his mouth. "What's a little turning water into gold for you?" 

There was a hint of mischief in Mito's brief, and all too rare smile. "Is this flattery for my sake or your ego, I wonder. Shall we put it to the test? Kind and generous as you were with your regard for my ingenuity, surely you would not mind to offer me something else should I fail your expectations?" 

Tobirama opened his hand. Taking it as tacit agreement, Mito very casually snapped her fingers, a gesture of no practical value but theatrics. The graph lit, first towards the bucket of dirty water, lighting upon which the content disappeared, leaving only a heap of dirt. Then to the other, where clear water suddenly emerged. 

Mito looked at him expectantly. Try as he might to maintain his usual bland expression, an almost cat-like satisfaction coloured hers. Tobirama had the vague sense it was he who was under judgement, paradoxically. He said, "It would seem to be instant distillation. Without medium, as well. It could be… useful." Even so, he struggled to conceive an actual use that conventional distillation wouldn't serve just as well. The problem with fuuinjutsu was always that it was an exclusive membership. 

"I'm truly sorry to disappoint you," Mito said, not sounding sorry at all. Because she had won her silly little wager, predicted Tobirama's reaction. He found it alarming that someone should know him so well, especially this strange woman not of his clan. 

But a deal was a deal, and Tobirama said, "Well, then. I suppose I can be generous, still." 

Once again she flashed her rare smile as she stood and glided closer until they were so close their noses could touch. Tobirama found himself holding his breath and using every ounce of his control to keep his shinobi instinct from striking her. She seemed oblivious to that. "Most gracious, indeed," Mito breathed. Then her mouth closed the rest of the distance. Her lips were chapped, and her tongue cold and grating on his lips, but before he could move past first impressions for – ah, objectivity – she withdrew. He thought he saw a blush dusting her cheeks as she turned and wiped her mouth with her fingers, her fingers with a scroll. 

Wait a minute, a small part of Tobirama that wasn't frozen or heated by turns said. She was saying, "Thank you, Tobirama-san. I shall cherish your gift." 

"You – " he didn't quite splutter, really. "That was my – " 

"Not your first kiss, I hope," she said with cheerful irony. "But even so, I have promised to cherish it, and I will. It will be a spectacle to dazzle even you, Tobirama-san. And it will be all thanks to you." 

Tobirama blinked, unsure how to begin to unsnarl this latest development. Something told him neither did Mito. She was much more composed now, but still brisk as she ushered him out of the door. He barely managed to remember what he'd sought her for in the first place (Hashirama's invitation for dinner with the other clan heads) and extracted her nonchalant acknowledgement. 

"And this other thing that needs my saliva," he said, and Mito made a small noise, but didn't interrupt, "you will allow me to observe? This is not a slight to your prowess, but rather – " 

"Admiration, yes, as to a trained monkey's prowess to dance to a tune," she said impatiently, but not with malice, he thought. "Fret not, Tobirama-san, you shall have the best seat to the performance." 

Scandalised, he said, "I hardly think of you as a, a _monkey_ , or your art as mere parlor trickery." 

Mito's gaze was inscrutable, but she nodded curtly, as though he'd passed a secret test. "Then you have a date: one week." 

It only occurred to Tobirama much later, on the verge of sleep heady with the details of Konoha's nascent sewer systems, that Mito had been curt out of nerves.


	3. on fraternising incognito (Dan & Tsunade)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prompt: Dan/Tsunade, the soulmate AU where you can transfer any injuries/pain your soulmate has to yourself. This is a rewrite of a scene in [Problem Nine And Two](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4601262/chapters/18704138) with a soulmate twist.

"Hullo, Tsunade-hime. How can I help you?" 

The girl stared at Dan, calculating look plain in her expression. She knew, then. Dan pushed off the thoughts of the rebuke from the ANBU Commander that was sure to come. To be sure, an ANBU operative's identity was not a secret to die for, but he had underestimated his charge's cleverness. And perhaps he'd been sloppy, fraternising incognito, and while on duty at that. 

At some point she had stopped speaking, arms crossed, waiting for his response. Dan plastered his best smile, and said, "I'm afraid I don't understand." 

But that seemed to only deepen her scowl. "You're not really Orochimaru's doctor, are you? Here to finish what your buddy Kabema started, eh?" 

Kabema, the fool who would have killed the Kyuubi. That he would also have to kill his own cousin hadn't given Kabema a pause. Dan wanted to laugh. The ANBU Commander had already been skeptical of his ability to remain impartial, to sacrifice himself should Tsunade lost control of her demon. But she wasn't supposed to know any of that. Katou Dan was only a friendly, and right now very confused, doctor. 

And then she pulled out a kunai and slashed the veins on her wrist. Dan winced in sympathic pain – especially as a similar wound opened on _his_ wrist. Tsunade gaped like a child – she _was_ a child, he reminded himself. Dan had to clear his throat to avert her attention to the very distracting fact of the major injuries she had just inflicted on them. 

"Well then, Princess, if you've had your fun, may I?" Dan said sardonically, gesturing at the twin fountains of blood, admittedly slightly less deadly for the burden shared. She closed her mouth, nodded, and obediently sat at the bed. 

Tsunade's silence, as he'd learn in short order, was a rare commodity. Even as he began treating her wound (and compromised his identity anyway) she gave him a jaundiced look and said, "That's a no, then?" Then she brightened, and a note of hope crept into her voice. "Oh! So that's why the Hokage assigned you to me, stalker-sensei. He _does_ know about our… our…" 

Dan snorted. Apparently she knew embarrassment, after all. "Bond, yes." He knew why she was excited. Not everyone had a bond, but those who did tend to at least became allies, if not more. When one had to share calamities with another, it was suddenly sensible to watch each other's back, after all. 

He whould have left it at that, but he said, "You are a child after all, aren't you, Princess." 

"I beg your pardon?" said Tsunade with all the imperiousness the prized granddaughter of the First Hokage could muster. For all her bluster, she eyed his chakra-coated hand, slowly knitting her veins together, with renewed wariness. Too little, too late. She was lucky Dan was relentlessly sincere. Most of the time, anyway. 

Like now, he explained with more patience than she deserved, "You should already know the bond worked both ways. And that there is no wound too fatal to be shared." 

"So what," she snarled after only a moment – the princess's brilliance was apparently not exaggerated. "Are you really going to kill yourself just to assassinate me?" 

He gave her a look. "I'm ANBU, Princess. My life is for the Hokage to command. As you can see, this is not a game for the rest of us." 

He let it sink in. The silence was better to work in; his wound, only hastily treated to allow for movement, was distracting enough. Not that Dan was needed. Already the Kyuubi's chakra was taking care of its host. But regeneration, unlike injuries, was not carried over the bond. He wondered why he'd bothered healing her at all. 

Even Tsunade noticed, and she roughly pulled her arm out of his grasp. "Heal yourself," she said while examining her mostly-healed wrist. "And tell the Hokage his plan is stu–flawed, it's very flawed. I can stab my heart and recover in no time, but you'd die. Just… go back into your shadows, stalker-sensei." 


	4. fist fight (Sakura and Tsunade)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Sakura and Tsunade, fist fight. Set in the AU where Sakura becomes Tsunade's apprentice much earlier.

Sakura was eight years old, two whole years of following in Tsunade's footsteps, when her master finally deigned to teach her signature skill. Not healing; with medicine Tsunade had been almost too eager, shovelling concepts faster than Sakura could understand them. It was all the same, two sides of the same coin that had been spinning on its edge for two years. 

Being eight, Sakura didn't entirely understand yet. She still had hope, and if not faith then at least a reluctance to see the worst in people. Shizu-nee's look of pity when she thought Sakura wasn't watching she ignored. Sakura thought – no, she knew – Tsunade only put up a tough front. And Sakura was already winning. With each new day came a new lesson, and soon Tsunade would have no choice but to acknowledge Sakura as her student. 

Sakura really, really shouldn't have been worried Tsunade would pull her punches. Still, sometimes she paused just long enough to give Sakura an out. Sakura never took it, blistered knuckles and all. There was no deadline, nor expectation ( _never in a million years_ didn't count to Sakura) but now it had been a month of rigorous training, and Tsunade's disdain had multiplied an entire new layer, soon to slough off, and with it Sakura off her care. 

No. Sakura rose on shaky legs. She couldn't feel her hand anymore, but she was so close to cracking the technique – and the tree stump in front of her. So she felt just a little betrayed when Tsunade barked, "Enough!" 

"But – " 

Tsunade scoffed. "Have it your way, then. Destroy yourself all you like. I have no use for fools." She left her like that, sitting on the floor with a broken hand. Sakura didn't watch her leave, and if Tsunade had looked back she wouldn't have known anyway. Curiously, she felt nothing. It was as if she had exhausted all her anxieties and fears in her nightmares and as fuel for her learning. But also the moment came with little fanfare. Sakura felt more disappointed than anything else. If it was so easy for Tsunade to just leave, why the dithering for all this time? 

Sakura sat for a long time, enough time for her hand to stop hurting. It was time to put her theory to test. Shinobi used chakra to give a little boost to their strength. But action begat reaction, and the greater the power going out the greater the recoil to the shinobi. Thus the core of Tsunade's technique was twofold – chakra for massive concussive force, and chakra for shielding from said force. It was all in the timing, and not blinking in the face of a punch. Tsunade had trained her for the latter, the former just needed a few more practice. 

Sakura gathered the last of her chakra and split the stream into two. She drew back and struck the tree stump with a little yell. Maybe she shouldn't have because now she had stray splinters in her mouth. 

Shizu-nee was mending Sakura's shirt when she returned. She fretted and scolded Sakura for the mess she'd made of her hand, and Sakura did her best to fend her off, buoyed by her success. That happiness was slightly dampened as she searched for Tsunade, and found her already sleeping on the room's only bed. But that's okay, the braver part of her said, Sakura could just show her again in the morning. And in the morning they would carry on to the next city with a casino, and Tsunade would lose as much money as she won while Shizu-nee would barely scrap enough to keep them fed. Sakura couldn't help yet, but she would stop being a burden someday.


	5. first impressions (Sakura)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sakura made some first impressions on her first day at school. Set in the same continuity as "fist fight".

Sakura's first day at the shinobi academy in Konoha, which just so happened to be her first day at any sort of schools, started out pretty normal, or at least as normal as she imagined non-shinobi children started their day in a new school. The teacher announced there was a new student, which had everyone sitting up straight, even the boy napping at the back. Her temple prickled with the sensation of almost malicious attention. She concluded, very much too late, that almost no one transferred into a shinobi school a week away from graduation. Or ever, really. 

Mizuki, the teacher, wanted her to introduce herself, so she did with a crackling voice. That was her first mistake; already, condescension set in parts of the room. Or maybe it was for her clothes, or even her accent? 

But while Sakura longed for nothing more than to be allowed to sit, or however it was shinobi children carried on their day, Mizuki had a different idea. "Now, Sakura-kun might not have been studying alongside everyone, she is not to be underestimated. She has been Tsunade-sama's apprentice for… how long is that, Sakura-kun?" 

"Six years," mumbled Sakura, drowned by a wave of renewed interest that rippled through the class at Tsunade's name. 

Mizuki chuckled, and said, "Looks like they don't believe you, Sakura-kun. What say you we give the class a little demonstration? Let's see… Sasuke-kun, come down here." 

"I'm sorry, but I don't understand," Sakura whispered as her would be opponent lazily strolled down from his bench. "What kind of demonstration did you mean, Sensei?" 

"A spar, of course. You see, the other children have grown up together, and so they know each other's weaknesses and strengths. But you are new, and in order for the others to be able to work with you, they must see what you're capable of. Fight well, Sakura-kun; Sasuke-kun here is the strongest of this class, but I'm sure that's no problem for Tsunade-sama's apprentice, no?" 

Sakura swallowed the butterflies in her throat and nodded. _No, Mizuki-sensei. No pressure whatsoever._ Sasuke just stared, sizing her up and down. Disinterest looked good on him. Really good. Would be a shame if she punched it out of him. And Sakura would have to. Mizuki had all but said it was expected of her. It wouldn't do to be turned out of the shinobi _school_ on her first day, or worse, embarrass Tsunade. She did love to brag about how much weaker Sakura was than her peer back in the village. 

They stared down each other as though waiting for something. Finally, Sasuke threw the first punch, then another, in slow, deliberate motion. Telegraphed moves, and telegraphed condescension as well. At length Sakura had had enough of playing defensive. So did Sasuke, and now there were three of him coming at her from three directions. She ignored the two illusory clones, and met the third's kick with her own. There was just a little chakra in the blow, to cushion her foot and overpower his. Sasuke went flying across the room and landed against the wall head first. The sound was not nearly as deafening as the short silence that took over, as Sakura realised with horror that shinobi children had not been trained to use chakra to dampen damage, and she might have just killed another kid. 

She started forward, but a kunai whizzing past her her nose stopped her on her track. The rest of the class had become unfrozen and formed rank around Sasuke, all except for the gaudy whiskered boy at the back, who was sniggering. 

"Wait," Sakura said, holding up her hands in a hopefully universal gesture of surrender, "I know medical ninjutsu, I can help him – " 

A blonde girl stepped forward and yelled, "Back off, murderer!" and the chorus from the others was such that Sakura did back off. 

Then it was Mizuki's turn to yell. Gone was his friendliness, and his gaze at Sakura was cool. "All right, settle down, everyone! Ino-chan, please get the school nurse. And Sakura-kun, let's go see the Hokage." 

_This is it. I'm going to be banished from the village just an hour after entering it. Must be a record._ Sakura didn't even want to imagine Tsunade's reaction. And Shizune's disappointment would just be the icing on the cake. Mizuki was silent the entire time, and the parts of the village he took her through failed to distract her. 

All too soon they arrived at the Hokage's tower. It barely loomed over the village, but its shadow cast over Sakura all the same. The inside was hollow – because they were shinobi, did everyone stay in the shadow during daylight? The Hokage's office was well-lit, a wall of window gave the Hokage a clear view of the village, and the village him. Sakura had just left this place an hour ago, and clearly Tsunade still had not concluded her meeting with the Hokage. She was seated before him, and peering up at Sakura with barely concealed irritation. 

"What could you possibly get up to in an hour at the Academy?" she fired before Mizuki could open his mouth. 

"Well, Tsunade-sama," said Mizuki, but she silenced him with a glare. The Hokage seemed to have found her impertinence wistful. 

In one breath, Sakura said, "I might have given a boy concussion, or killed him. I swear I'd have healed him if I could've and I definitely hadn't meant to kill him but – " 

"Wait," Tsunade said, and Sakura did. To Mizuki, "What the hell were you, the teacher, doing?" 

Mizuki smiled in what he clearly thought was a placating manner. "Well, Tsunade-sama, Sakura-kun was exaggerating. Uchiha Sasuke-kun was only concussed at best, and the school nurse was already looking at him when we left. Please don't be too hard on Sakura-kun. It was my negligence as the teacher. I had only thought to give her a chance to show herself to the class. I hadn't expected she would have been so spirited." 

"And what would you have me do, Mizuki-sensei?" The Hokage was patient and mild where Tsunade wasn't, but not to his detriment at all. 

Mizuki had a ready answer. "With respect to Tsunade-sama, I don't think Sakura-kun is suited to the Academy. She has defeated our best student easily, and I'm certain there is nothing more we could teach that Tsunade-sama has not. And I fear it would be… disruptive to the other students to welcome another so close to the graduation exam." 

The Hokage nodded and dismissed him. Alone, Sakura suddenly found it hard not to blabber under the combined scrutiny of two successive generations of authority. Tsunade spoke first. "Easily defeated the Uchiha, huh?" 

Was that pride in her voice? Sakura seized on that phantom and answered, "Just one hit. I didn't mean to hit so hard, Hokage-sama. I thought he'd have been able to block it. I was wrong, and I'm so very sorry to have caused trouble." 

The Hokage gave Tsunade a meaningful look. "Consider myself dully impressed, Tsunade. Although I have no idea what else I could've expected from you." 

"Training accidents happen all the time." Tsunade shrugged. "As you can see, her education is still lacking. I insist that you allow Sakura to attend the Academy." 

_What education?_ the belligerent voice in her head howled. Outward, she listened as Sarutobi deliberated. "For all of the, hm, six days remaining from the graduation exam. Very well, I will allow it." 

Sakura felt the great snake in her guts ease. "Thank you, Hokage-sama," she said heartily. 

"I told you, Sakura," said Tsunade, "the old man will send you into war, but happily, he doesn't bite." 

The Hokage snorted. He gestured at a folder on his desk. Tsunade snatched it and began reading, scowling all the while. "Would you like to finalise the adoption now, or should I allow you a moment with Sakura-kun?" 

"No need," Tsunade said after a while. She signed the document inside – all the radicals making up her name fisted together into a box – and slid it back to the Hokage. "If you'll excuse us, Sensei?" 

He nodded. "We shall continue later. Konoha welcomes you, Senju Sakura, and I personally look forward to see you grow. And Tsunade? I'm very glad you've decided to come home. Truly, the bright spot in this old man's life." 

"It's only formality," Tsunade said as soon as they were outside the Hokage's tower, and alone. "This is how the Senju clan grew in the days of old. We take promising shinobi into the clan as our own. In my grandfather's days there would be a marriage to seal it, but as you will see the clan is presently rather lacking in virile young men." 

Sakura's face was heating so much she nearly choked. "I didn't know about this!" 

Tsunade's lips were twisted, as though by invisible barbs. "Your consent, a minor and a civilian, was never necessary. But do try and get it through your thick skull what your position is. For heaven's sake, you'd just got a thorough demonstration from the other children." 

Sakura flushed again, this time for a different reason. "Is it because I'm a… civilian?" 

"A civilian would be absurd, but not entirely unwelcome. You were a foreign shinobi, of strange and exotic origins. and unknown affiliations. But now you belong to the Senju clan. And laughable though we are in number, the First Hokage's name carries far. Even my grandfather wouldn't be able to save you from stupidity, however, so I hope you've learned something." 

Sakura nodded, showing what she hoped was the face of comprehension. Tsunade saw through her anyway. "What am I going to do with you, Sakura?" she sighed, and flicked Sakura's forehead. 


	6. the monkey king and the jade emperor (Hiruzen & Hashirama)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Young Sarutobi Hiruzen must present himself to Emperor Hashirama, alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is also elenathehun's idea, finally being written after months of incubation.

An audience with the Emperor was granted the moment Hiruzen stepped a foot into the southern gateway of the Imperial Palace, brown and green all over except for the glimpses of red that hinted at its original clay brick structure. The gates were unmanned. Within, a forest had consumed the stone courtyard and the compounds therein. Trees Hiruzen had never seen shivered with his passing. The Emperor saw all, The Emperor heard all. From his court at the heart of the palace The Emperor watched his every step. Hiruzen wasn’t superstitious, but – it was too late for these kinds of thoughts.

The iron staff strapped on his back and the shuriken and kunai hidden in every seam of his clothes clattered in his inner ears. He brought nothing else. The guards by the doors didn’t stop him – wooden guards with weapons and armors bearing witness to a hundred battles. Such was the fate of The Emperor’s fallen enemies, or so was whispered in his father’s camp. Hiruzen thought they bore The Emperor’s likeness. From here on it was wood: ornately carved doors, pillars like dragons coiling toward the sky. More statues. Vulnerable dry wood, eminently flammable. The Uchiha must have thought so, too. And now the only proof that the Uchiha had existed was the red-eyed wraith that delivered The Emperor’s judgement personally.

Hiruzen knelt between the open maws of a pair of lions. He clasped his hands before his face first before sinking until his forehead touched the ground. A booming laugh acknowledged his supplication. The Emperor found his staff, balanced precariously on Hiruzen’s hunched spine, funny. The same avuncular voice told him to rise, and when that wasn’t enough, to raise his head. To look at the Emperor in the eye. Hiruzen did, and found he had not spontaneously combusted. The Emperor sat in his golden throne, behind the great royal mahogany desk. He was dressed in green and yellow silk threaded with gold, and over the silk was the fabled Senju red armor. Atop of his unbound hair was a red hat not unlike a farmer’s. Not even a samurai’s, but a simple triangular hat made of canvas and painted the red of blood. The Emperor was beaming genially at him. Hiruzen was armed, and they were alone. But he reminded himself there were statues, and the palace itself lied between them. He reminded himself of the Uchiha.

Hiruzen prostrated himself once again, and delivered his father’s message, and his gift – himself. “Your servant came bearing a tribute.”


	7. a shot in the dark (Madara, Tobirama)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For hiruma_musouka, prompt: Madara and Tobirama for 24) the one where you have a compass on your body that leads you to your soulmate.

"Well? Are you waiting for an invitation?" 

Only the feeble sound of skin against leather disturbed the air between them. Tobirama wasn't even raising his blade. Madara felt faintly insulted. How dare Hashirama's sniveling younger brother, not even half of the man Hashirama was – how dare he dismiss him as a threat. 

Madara opened his left eye, his last one. Tobirama stood before him alone. The sword that had killed Izuna was in his hand, barely touching the ground. He'd barely changed – but then, rotting in his cave, Madara barely knew about the passage of time, nor cared. 

Tobirama raised his hand, the one with the frantically spinning black needle, twin to needle on Madara's own hand. "Did you forget about this?" Tobirama said as blandly as if he were commenting about the weather, and not their pesky predestined connection. 

Madara snorted. "But weren't you so happy when it disappeared." 

"Ah… Would that it were permanent." 

Tobirama made a show of inspecting the cave, all of the five feet long and wide he could walk without bumping into Madara. "So what's your plan now, Madara? My brother killed you last time. And now you are – " Tobirama gestured at Madara, immobile, unable to do more than exist. Nothing more than a plant. 

"You talk too much," Madara said. "Get on with it." 

Tobirama looked as though he wanted to say something, but he merely turned the blade in his hand, turning the edge for a decapitating swing. 

It should be this way. A nebulous, persistent line pointing to each other meant nothing without a bond behind it. They were, separately, only a brother to Hashirama, and with _that_ bond severed at that valley in the end, there was nothing more connecting the two of them. Madara closed his eye once more, his last thoughts dwelling on which direction his soul compass would last point to before it disappeared.


	8. the problem with spineless creatures (Sakura)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During the three years of mysterious peace and training, Sakura tried her hand at summoning Tsunade's slugs and carrying her own mission. A fic stub waiting for a plot.

The scroll that contained the contract with the slug summon was, despite its age, very short. There was Shizune's name, and the quirky kanji that took Sakura a moment to realise was Tsunade's highly stylised signature. Only two more unintelligible signatures joined them at the top. Sakura was in lofty company. 

If she could get in. To be sure Tsunade wouldn't have taught her summoning if she hadn't been ready. The technique in itself seemed simple. Sakura was still nervous. What if she summoned something else, or sent herself into the fifth dimension? She banished those thoughts with some effort. 

Sakura directed her chakra to make a shallow cut on her index finger. She was showing off, but it was sterile, and she could draw blood only as much as she needed. With blood as ink and her finger as the brush, she put down signature she'd practiced since her early Academy days. The scroll didn't glow or shake or spit gross substances at her. There was no change in her chakra flow, no enlightenment. _That was anti-climactic._

With a few droplets of blood still fresh on her finger, she made the hand-signs Tsunade had shown her and slapped the palm on the ground of the Hokage's office. They sequence was short and simple for something as powerful as transporting creatures up to a hundred of her body mass across space and time. This part of the process was the least of her worries, at least. People told her she had perfect chakra control; all it meant was she knew precisely how much answered her call, and where. In this case, the chakra would be expelled from her palm. It was also a good idea to visualise the technique that would come out – to have a clear expectation, in other words. So she pictured it. A palm-sized slug materialising in her grasp, slimy and slippery, and maybe smelly as well, and possibly toxic… she could feel it crawling down her spine already, one slobbery contraction after another… 

The moment arrived in a cloud of smoke, and smoke was all there was. Sakura didn't understand that at first. She had done everything correctly: all the proper paths, the exact amount of chakra the technique required. She could feel Tsunade's affected disinterest fluctuate. 

"I'm sorry! Let me try again – " 

"I did think you might not have been ready," said Tsunade, and Sakura finally looked at her. Tsunade was standing, half of her weight leaning on the edge of her desk. The curtains were drawn off the wide window. The sun was high, higher than the pile of paperwork on the desk, and sunlight glared off Tsunade's hair as a golden halo. Her head was tilted slightly, as though she was evaluating Sakura's place in her office and having second thoughts thereof. 

Slowly, Tsunade pushed onto her feet and swept into her chair. "Never mind that now. Having Katsuyu at your disposal would have been useful, but not crucial. Your training should suffice for the mission." 

"Uh, yes." Sakura did not quite hang her head, but she was slow in straightening her pose. She was nervous about the mission too. Starting with a failure felt a lot like running a race with a hair fracture in the femur, timed to crash at the worst possible moment. 

Tsunade grinned at her. The more teeth she displayed, the harder it was for Sakura to put away comparisons to a tiger. "That won't do. The only reason you're on this mission is that you're my apprentice. When you show doubts in yourself you're showing doubts in my ability as a teacher, and my judgement as the Hokage in delegating tasks to my underlings. If that's the case, you might as well stop calling me _shishou_. I can't believe I had to tell you all this." 

"N-No, Tsunade-sama, I mean, Shishou, I don't – " Sakura swallowed. "I mean, I'm ready." 

"Excellent. Then you'll be back with a bottle of Sekitou's best in hand." When it came to _sake_ Tsunade was never not serious, so Sakura took note. "Stop fretting. A shinobi who's lost faith in herself is as good as dead. Now, buck up and show your squad the medic-nin who will have their backs." 

Tsunade really meant the only field medic-nin available at all; Sakura was sure the others would prefer someone more skilled, like Shizune. But Tsunade was her Hokage and master, and if Sakura had nothing else she had faith in Tsunade.


	9. Brother Issues (Hashirama & Tobirama)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hashirama and Tobirama, "I don't need you anymore", brother issues. A snapshot of a childhood with brothers.

"Don't come any closer!" yelled Hashirama.

Tobirama raised both eyebrows, for visibility's sake, but he obeyed his older brother nonetheless. Hashirama's forehead was furrowed, his arms stretched wide apart, and he was crouched, so that the overall result looked more like he was constipated rather than in deep concentration. But then Hashirama gave a wordless shout, and shot to his full height, arms raised above his head. A veritable row of sturdy trees rose before Tobirama, rising far out of his reach.

Tobirama was impressed despite himself. Then he realised he'd have to climb over them to reach Hashirama. Even as he started funneling chakra on the soles of his feet one of the trees shrunk to about torso height, the top replaced by Hashirama's sheepish face.

"Sorry! You were looking for me?"

"Itama just left."

The effect was immediate; Hashirama actually scowled. Tobirama knew Hashirama didn't like his younger brothers or other children being sent on missions -- the whole clan knew -- but he seemed more upset than usual.

Tobirama crossed his arms. "What did you tell him?"

"I just said I'd take care of it for him, since he's too young to go alone. And after Kawarama..."

They both looked away from each other; the subject of their youngest brother was still too raw, even for Tobirama. Then, more soberly, Hashirama finished his tale. "He told me, 'I don't need you anymore!'... Itama did, not..." Hashirama rubbed the back of his neck.

Tobirama didn't know why he spoke what he did next. "I dreamed of him. Last night. Kawarama."

"Oh? What does he do?"

"Being stabbed by the Uchiha."

"Ah," Hashirama mumbled thoughtfully. He leapt over the tree stump. It was hard to tell what he was thinking.

Tobirama said, "It's only a routine courier mission. Nothing of interest to anyone but our clan."

"Ah, you're right, of course. As expected of Tobirama!" Hashirama's grin was a little forced, but Tobirama let that and the jab slide. "But you know, a mission's a mission. Our Itama's all grown up, now! Oh, Tobirama! You saw what I did, didn't you?"

And as Hashirama chattered on about his unique gift, Tobirama allowed himself to be distracted into a clumsy discussion of the technical aspects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thoughts?


	10. the last dance (Hiruzen/Biwako)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Hiruzen/Biwako, the one where your soulmate’s ghost haunts you when they die

The ghost was new, fresh from dead. It appeared to Biwako as a young man about her age, half his face and body blotted with silvery ichor, vivid and almost opaque even in daylight. His eyes, too, were solid, none of the mischievous brightness they had in life. Miraculously, he still had all his limbs. One hand was raised, waved along with the signature monkey grin. 

Biwako swallowed her first reaction, _Why this idiot?_. He was known to her – all members of the Hokage's entourage were. That one of them was dead did not bode well. 

"The Hokage?" she said urgently. Ghosts couldn't talk, but the abrupt change of his expression communicated well enough. Like a woman possessed Biwako raced to find the Jounin Commander. Ghostly recon via unsuspecting last witness was common enough that she was taken seriously, and soon enough a small rescue team was deployed, Biwako and her silvery guide their silent blood hound. 

They found the Hokage alive, though on his knees, leaning on a bent sword. The corpses of the Kumo-nin known as the notorious Kinkaku and Ginkaku laid beside him. He was alone. The Nidaime had seemed pale before, but there was a resigned bend to his head as the Jounin Commander gave his report – and inevitably, the final fate of one of his protégé. It was a thinly veiled secret which had been groomed to be his successor, and Biwako spent the entire time she was healing the Hokage looking at anything but his face, or the ghost hovering behind her, as impatient in life as in death. The Jounin Commander had not told him which of the rescue team had been Sarutobi Hiruzen's last witness, but somehow The Hokage knew. He inclined his head at Biwako – even though she hadn't been close to Hiruzen in life? but she bore his awkward apology anyway. Then he was gone along with most of his men. 

All, but one. Hiruzen gazed wistfully in the direction the Hokage had disappeared to. Biwako gave him a few seconds, then she cleared his throat. Ghosts tended to linger until all their last wishes were fulfilled. Biwako sighed, bracing herself for… anything. Death removed the last inhibitions people had, usually. "I have to warn you, if it's revenge you want, we might have to go back first to gather a team." 

That earned her a small smile and a shake of the head. Hiruzen beckoned, and Biwako followed, both curious and knowing at once. After all, he led her by a trail of blood, into the eerie silence of the forest… 

Not too far, Hiruzen stopped abruptly. Biwako stopped with him. She took a moment to steel herself, and looked. They were all here. Hiruzen was hovering over a dark-haired boy – Danzo? – seemingly looking for the lower half of his body. Then the Akimichi, and two others Biwako couldn't identify. The Uchiha's dark eyes stared emptily at her, and she resisted the urge to reunite him with his body. It wouldn't matter now. She wondered where their spirits now were, collecting their own partners for the last dance, or maybe they were each other's. 

Hiruzen's body, like his ghost, was mostly intact, for which she was irrationally grateful. She knelt by the head and closed his eyes. He looked so young, barely older than her. They all were so young, the Hokage's students. But they had also been, for this mission, the Hokage's escort. And for their efforts, the Hokage yet lived, to Konoha's boon. Biwako couldn't help but wonder what the dead made of that. Satisfaction for a mission completed? Regret for doing it a little too well? 

She lifted her head to say something to Hiruzen, only to find he was missing. Gone. Bailed like the monkey he was. Biwako shook her head, and got out the containment scrolls she had brought for this purpose. Then she began to work. 


End file.
